ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
