WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
