he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
