The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
