i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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