Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
