ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
