the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
