I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
