who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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