Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
