The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
