i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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