My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
