So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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