how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
