I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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