i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
