something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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