Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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