awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
