i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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