yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH