wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"