Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.

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  (206): Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once. http://tfl.nu/nlk3
  Replies (6) Good night (1673) Bad night (1020)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm in love with you.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  huh?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.

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  (860): I'm in love with you. (1-860): huh? (860): Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it. http://tfl.nu/in9v
  Replies (14) Good night (3308) Bad night (881)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  We tried having a conversation with our noses.

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  (856): We tried having a conversation with our noses. http://tfl.nu/by13
  Replies (9) Good night (2831) Bad night (913)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people

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  (515): brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people http://tfl.nu/wdd8
  Replies (43) Good night (1003) Bad night (4801)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.

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  (281): my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious. http://tfl.nu/99ri
  Replies (48) Good night (6243) Bad night (1208)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.

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  (604): Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub. http://tfl.nu/91f9
  Replies (20) Good night (5695) Bad night (1267)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener

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  (570): My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener http://tfl.nu/73wy
  Replies (8) Good night (2078) Bad night (1669)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE

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  (203): We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE http://tfl.nu/bmko
  Replies (7) Good night (3911) Bad night (1039)
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  (650): View more from California

  Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it

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  (650): Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it http://tfl.nu/zs3i
  Replies (8) Good night (3172) Bad night (1245)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made

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  (302): A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made http://tfl.nu/dho0
  Replies (13) Good night (1830) Bad night (755)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.

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  (303): I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes. http://tfl.nu/g3e8
  Replies (4) Good night (1165) Bad night (538)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.

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  (864): If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/qg7h
  Replies (11) Good night (2550) Bad night (1031)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.

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  (920): You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands. http://tfl.nu/ucsy
  Replies (9) Good night (426) Bad night (1114)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  But doesn't your shift end at like noon?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I don't think you understand.

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  (540): I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work. (703): But doesn't your shift end at like noon? (540): I don't think you understand. http://tfl.nu/n6r0
  Replies (3) Good night (1137) Bad night (383)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..

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  (406): Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door.. http://tfl.nu/ti65
  Replies (3) Good night (290) Bad night (435)

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