I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.