Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.