Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.

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  (816): My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won. http://tfl.nu/68w0
  Replies (4) Good night (968) Bad night (1085)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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  (785): I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best http://tfl.nu/ugel
  Replies (13) Good night (864) Bad night (2187)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES

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  (619): DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES http://tfl.nu/9dpy
  Replies (23) Good night (5089) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?

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  (614): Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln? http://tfl.nu/gtnh
  Replies (28) Good night (6060) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3

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  (403): Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3 http://tfl.nu/lt38
  Replies (20) Good night (1871) Bad night (3727)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.

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  (806): You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito. http://tfl.nu/i4sd
  Replies (19) Good night (6602) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.

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  (573): These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times. http://tfl.nu/8sq6
  Replies (2) Good night (1505) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"

  (1-510): View more from California

  Berkeley was the right choice

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  (510): A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by" (1-510): Berkeley was the right choice http://tfl.nu/la9d
  Replies (6) Good night (1595) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?

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  (617): How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity? http://tfl.nu/1m4t
  Replies (7) Good night (1974) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.

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  (563): He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name. http://tfl.nu/wgo9
  Replies (7) Good night (623) Bad night (1764)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.

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  (502): Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol. http://tfl.nu/h6cv
  Replies (5) Good night (660) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.

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  (+44): Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine. http://tfl.nu/vcvu
  Replies (0) Good night (918) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys

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  (774): There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys http://tfl.nu/n2sm
  Replies (7) Good night (896) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  And then audibly agreed

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  (636): I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate. (636): And then audibly agreed http://tfl.nu/3qg2
  Replies (6) Good night (1033) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.

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  (909): My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone. http://tfl.nu/ydth
  Replies (0) Good night (456) Bad night (197)

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