dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.