ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick