This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
