Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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