doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
