I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
