Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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