I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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