I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
