OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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