I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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