I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
