woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
