Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
