If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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