It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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