So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
