I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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