The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
