Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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