I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
