Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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