Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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