No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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