I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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