what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
