Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
