I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
