I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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