You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
