During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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