My nipple is on Facebook.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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