Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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