We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
