So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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