No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
