I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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